Missing…

I am nervously waiting my boyfriend’s return home. He has been gone since Saturday morning.  He was traveling for work, they move pianos to other states sometimes, and this weekend he was going to the west coast somewhere, and he said he would be home sometime on Monday. Well it is Monday and I have not heard from him since he left on Saturday. Usually he texts me to tell me hes okay, or when he will be home, but all calls myself and his family have made to him have gone to his voicemail so we are all hoping his battery just died and he can’t call us on the road. It is just making me nervous, for all I know he could have gotten into a car accident! By 9 pm he’d better be home (thats the time he usually gets off of work) and he said if he comes back early he may go right into the shop, and then get off work at his normal time, so that would be when I will get worried even more…..I just hope its just his battery….

Men…. why cant they call you from their friends’ phones or a pay phone instead of making you think they are dead! geeze!

EDIT: MY BOYFRIEND FINALLY TEXTED ME, SAYING HIS BATTERY HAD DIED, AND HE WILL BE HOME ON TIME TONIGHT! YAY

Losing my voice

It’s quite funny actually. I feel very soft spoken right now. Customers at work were sort of pissed off when they couldn’t hear me and I couldn’t speak any louder.  I think they finally figured out I was sick when I was sniffling .

Sick …sick… sick *cough*

Starting around Halloween, my son became very cranky. And the day after Halloween, he started to show a fever. Then came the cough, runny nose, etc… We figured he may have the flu. And luckily he already had a doctors appointment scheduled for his 15 month check up the next day.  So we showed up on the sick side of the office (its nice when they have two entrances like that). The doctor said it was the flu. So I have been battling that with Calvin, and now I am sick….. and working my nights.  So on my days off he was sick, which now the fever is gone with him, all he has is a cough and a little runny nose.  But… Now I am having head aches, stuffy nose, sinus infection… and I have to work my night job, while my son is still out of day care, because he is not 100 percent well yet.  I can send him back to daycare next week.

And this weekend my boyfriend will be busy moving a ton of pianos. So I am left taking care of our son most of the time alone.  His mom told me she could help me out a bit, which I am thankful for.  Though I wish I had someone to help me out this week when I have been sick.  His family offered to help out and I quote ” when I REALLY need it”  thats how they said it. But only if i “REALLY” cannot watch my son my self. So I felt kind of bad, and didnt call them. They make me feel like “hes your son, you take care of him, unless you break your back, we wont help” , where as my family says ” we can help you no matter what” .  I am still not used to my boyfriend’s families ways. I am still not 100 percent sure if his mom even likes me. Our run ins always feel so odd, and forced.  I mean I like his mom, I just don’t know if she likes me back. I know his sister is nice (even though i dont fully agree with HER husband).

Oh well… I am starting to feel a little better, but i did get off work early last night, so i could be better for tonight (truck night) meaning we have to unload and put all new inventory out, and generally 2 to 3 people do that. Which is not enough staff…… but oh well.  I cant take any more time off unless I don’t wanna pay my bills.  Luckily my mother helped me out a bit this week. She tries. And I love her for that. I don’t like asking for help but right now we are in a tough spot. And I am still trying to find a day time job. I just cannot work nights much longer. I don’t look healthy anymore. People comment on it.  Nights are the worst. I need a day job, full time with benefits.

*sigh*

I am losing hope though. Granted I did get a raise at work, along with a promotion. Its not much. But I am now a supervisor. I’d like to say I was overly happy about it but I think this is going to create a lot of drama.  Some of my coworkers dont like that I am now a supervisor, etc… and have been iffy about stuff. I am not looking forward to some of my duties.

And I thought teenagers were full of drama… try people over the age of 50….at my work….ugh…

Smurfs live in my backyard

pumpkin_house, originally uploaded by WastedSunRise.

Too bad the pumpkins don’t last long once they are cut… I really want to take more photos, but they are starting to return to mother earth already. Maybe I can get a few more day shots today? I went to bed very early last night, I was tired, my son is sick, and we have a doctors appt today at 8:30 am…..

(it was already scheduled before he got sick)

Pumpkin_House

Pumpkin_House, originally uploaded by WastedSunRise.

It was about 30 degrees out and very frosty outside when I was taking these (7 am). I was trying to get photos before the sunrise but I missed it because I was busy getting my jacket on. I like the photos I got though. i might try to get some as the sunsets tonight. Gotta keep an eye on that sun (esp with the time change) Set your clocks back everyone!

About to flip

Not much more could go worse today… My paycheck is short money because work had a computer glitch. That domino effects into 3 of my bills.  Two of which I cannot pay with out help.  So I went to call my mom, since my bf said he could help me with ONE bill. So that leaves one more to pay, and I would have been broke the rest of the week, which would have been fine. The bill due? Today.. daycare… ugh… but… Rosanna (the owner) said I could pay her next week. I explained the situation.  She was very understanding that I had to pay my credit card bills and electric first.  She is very kind.

But my work seems to think that paying me for the hours they missed this paycheck  is resolved by saying they will pay me NEXT WEEK… ugh. So I requested they TRY to pay me this weekend (because they can do a paid out from the safe) but thats a big issue , and a bit of work to get run through so I am not counting on it. But they said they would call me if it did go through, that would mean I could pay my day care.. I feel bad about paying late. Oh…

So my phone is also not making Long Distance phone calls… So I called AT&T… the guy pissed me off, said my connection was fine… didn’t do much else and he stuttered a lot… I hung up on him and went online … to the support chat… and finally got a little help. Right now I cant call still… BUT they are at least letting me know that other people are having the same issue and that they are working on it. Its not JUST ME… going crazy….

Oh and my bf some how over drew his bank account this week, so he got charged….by the bank , he told me this today that he couldnt pay the car insurance so I have to try to pay that too (I get paid more than him….sadly) So all this stress is killing me! I need a better paying job…. I am living off everything I make… nothing to use… I dont even know what I am going to do about food this week. I have to be creative! I am going to look into cutting more expenses. We cut off cable tv (which we supplemented with internet tv, bc you can get free shows online now a days), now I might have to move to my cellular services… ugh… I hate doing this, but work really screwed me up. Ok enough complaining… I have to go to bed. Lots more wrong but thats old…. I even saved money by making calvins halloween costume… I havent even gotten one for me. I might need to go as a zombie ( i can do that by not going to bed tomorrow and just trick or treating with zero hours of sleep .) sound good?

Halloween is just one night away!

It is almost time to spook people in the night!  I am finishing up my son’s halloween ears. I made him some foam ears for his Arthur outfit. This year we aren’t going all out for halloween. I made calvin’s outfit, not that hard, he is dressing up from that show “arthur” from PBS kids.  So regular clothes, glasses and ears, and maybe a little face make up. But thats all. And its his favorite show! So thats fun.

At work I found out I might not be making enough this week to pay all of my bills.  The computer at work didn’t count me working on Saturday…. so one of my 10 hour shifts isn’t on this paycheck, though they said it will be on my next one. I told them it was ok for now, but I have to check my pay stub tonight when they come in to make sure I have enough to pay everything i need to pay. If not I need to ask them for a cash pay out so i can pay my bills .  Then pay them back next week with the money they put in THAT check.  My coworker reminded me that I CAN do this bc it wasn’t my fault that the money isnt on this paycheck like it SHOULD be.

So I am hoping I can save some time and have enough money to pay my bills and the daycare with out an issue….. *crosses fingers*

I cannot wait until Halloween either. Though I was told by my sons daycare…today… that all moms usually bring in candy for all 10 kids… (which I wasn’t prepared for …so I quickly tossed some candy in little bags for the kids tomorrow) ugh this daycare needs to make an email list of stuff that usually happens because I am not used to being a parent, and heck we aren’t rich so buying stuff last minute is almost out of the question. Luckily I know we never get many trick or treaters so I just grabbed some of our Halloween candy out of the bowl to make the goodie bags.

Funny … but true….(GOOGLE WAVE!!) jk jk

Lately I have been thinking…. WOW… I used to get tons of hits on my old blog… and with this one I hardly have a following. Well that is true because I didn’t really tell many people my new blog addy yet.  BUT lately I have found something to get more viewers… in a funny way…..

GOOGLE WAVE ! GOOGLE WAVE ! GOOGLE WAVE ! GOOGLE WAVE!!!!!

Hahaha, sorry I just think its funny that most of my viewers are coming in from my google wave post….and Yes I still have invites, FOR FRIENDS.  Since I only had 20 to begin with I am sort of picky who gets them. I have only given 1 out to a person i met on twitter. The others have been real life or long term online friends from blogging or facebook.  But its funny what types of searches my blog comes up under, like apples (from the apple head doll post) , and even some visits from my post about my friend who passed away….

You ever wonder HOW people find your blog? I certainly do all the time…. I don’t post my blog on FB… its sort of a search and find blog…. either that or I knew the people from a previous blog… ahh… memories of journalspace.com … too bad it went downhill and is now owned by different people.  I miss my old blog… the community… but it was nice to start a new…

 

Past…

Sometimes I find myself clinging to the past. It’s not that I am unhappy. I just wonder what could have been. I think this is the side effect of moving too much, and too far. Would my life be so different if I hadn’t moved? Where would I be now? Would I be a mother? I can’t imagine not having my son around. He makes my life feel so much more worth living. But would I be saying this if I hadn’t gotten pregnant?

I always wonder that about myself. I do miss being able to go out and take photos when ever and where ever I’d like. It is hard to tote around a toddler everywhere and get any good shots while making sure he doesn’t run into the road, etc. But it’s just photography. I can’t wait until he is older though. I do want to get him his own camera to go take photos with me. I think it would be a fun experience.

I wish I made friends easier. But I am told I can be a bitch and quite awkward at times. I think I used to be better back when I worked days, with more of the public, but working nights does draw you into the anti social type of life style. I just wish I didn’t still have social anxiety, but I do. I am still on the look out for a day job. It’s almost been a year since I started my current job. And I am thankful for this job but it’s killing me. All the women I work with seem so tired, out of shape, and just unhealthy in all aspects. I don’t want to be like them one bit when I am their age.

I want a fun job I can fall in love with. Like my theatre job, god I would work over time and not care back in the day! I used to work 6 days a week and love it! But thats my past, and sadly.. money is important and no theatre will pay what I need to survive. Ugh..

See what I’m talking about!

Lame.

Well I have Halloween to look forward to. The night of the dead Maybe I’ll pull out the Quiji board, my tarot cards, or my runes? Should be a fun night. We are going out with our friend’s and their kids I carved my pumpkins last night I will take photos of them later.

Halloween is less than a week away!

This week shouldn’t be too hard for me. I have a 3 day work week, because I took Halloween night off to go trick or treating with friends and family. I still have to work on my son’s costume some more. So far he is going as ‘Arthur’ from the PBS kids show. I am making him ears, he has an outfit similar to what Arthur wears, and I think it will be a cute and easy outfit to do this year. He watches Arthur almost every day.

The only thing bad about this week, is that I will be short some hours. Halloween night in my religion, is sort of important. Being a pagan is hard to explain to people. They think I am kidding when I tell them about rituals, seasonal feasts, etc… but thats because most of them just don’t know any pagans. Most of my friends say that I am the only Pagan they know. And sadly enough, I can say ALMOST the same. I know about 2 other pagans, and they live in NJ.

So most stuff I celebrate alone. And since I am raising my son Christian, he probably won’t know about my religion for a while. It was my decision to give him that type of religious choice, when he is older he can choose to be what ever he wants, but I want him to have a basic religion to start off with. Thats how I was raised. But when I was 7 or 8 I felt there was something more. I didn’t understand these feelings until I was watching TV and they mentioned on a documentary that Pagans worshiped Earth, and many gods. It felt … right. So when I was 12, I asked my mom to take me to the library and I checked out tons of Pagan\Wiccan books. My mom didn’t mind. And with in 2 years, I made up my mind. I have been a Pagan since then.

Now a days my mom tries to tell me there is one god (half joking) because she doesn’t understand my choices. But she also says I can be what ever I want to be. I know she tries to be open. She also knows I used to date women. I don’t keep much from her. She is a kind and loving mother. She always makes me feel as though my choices are my own to make, and not hers to force on me.

I hope to be the same way with my son.

Oh but Halloween. I am going to the store today to buy 2 pumpkins and to carve them. I may let Calvin watch, he is too little to carve , but he can play with the pumpkin guts! Then I have to finish putting out decorations and get Calvin his face paint from the store. I wanted to make him have a nose, with his outfit. And I might put on some makeup for halloween. I don’t really have a costume, so I dunno yet. Maybe I’ll go as a gamer or something easy and stupid. Or as a witch? Seems right to me.